Medical Exam Thursday, April 2, 2009

Quite a blurry and confusing day. Went to the clinic nearby to get a medical report for my Singapore Poly application.
I expected a very straightforward thing. Plus of course, i didnt expect ANYTHING WRONG WITH ME. I thought i can just go to the clinic, pee in a cup, sit around taking colour blindness tests, blood tests, x ray and i could just leave with my med report done.


When i arrived there. I just asked how much was it all (yes i'm very calculative yadi yadi yada). RM150. Which is ridiculously expensive and cheaper to be done in sg for approximately SGD45 without blood tests which is about Sgd20 if needed. But I didnt really have time to go to Singapore.

So anyway, first they made me pee in a cup. I mean. When the nurse handed me the cup and asked me to pee into it i was like "Macam mana?!" (HOW?!) and she bluntly said, "Kencing dalam tu lah". DUH PEE INSIDE THE CUP. They make it sound like i have a pipe (deek) to pour it nicely into the cup. Yes it was my first time. Whatever


Secondly, the X-ray. I had to take off my necklace and clothes. Okay, I only had to be topless(bras off!) and my back had to be bare AND i had to stand with my chest againts a wall (I had some surgical looking shirt, you pervert!) [I am flat so please dont fantasize me with gigantour boobs okay, about 32A's will be fine]


Then the draining-blood-from-my-arm time.


Wait, flashback to the past moment here.
I think i have needle phobia after getting a Cervical cancer vaccine last month. IT WAS EFFING BLOODY PAINFUL. The doctor said, "Abit pain only lah"
Okay. In translation, when doctors say

"It wont hurt" means "It will hurt a little"
"It will hurt abit" mean "IT WILL BE FCKING PAINFUL MIND YOU."


Of course i knew that. So i was propped onto examining bed there and bared my buttocks. (He said it was ABIT PAINFUL so I insisted to be jabbed on my butt) ON MY BUTT. Not IN. Ah. Fine. I didnt bare my buttocks. They jab the needle somewhere above a normal hipster jeans line. So my buttocks did not get the expose treatment.

Okay majorly offtopic


How would the doctor know if it was painful? He's a MALE DOCTOR. Does he have a cervix? Okay stupid question but you know what I mean. JUST FYI EVERYONE. It was very painful and continued to be painful for 3 days. But I rather the pain now than get cervical cancer at all.



Anyway, back to today. The blood draining was not as pain as the cervical cancer vaccine. I was singing "When the saints go marching in" when the doctor STABBED the needle into my arm. Ihad to lie down 'cause by the looks of my singing, the doctor didnt want me fainting on the chair.

During this time, my xray was up on the lighted wall thingamajiggy that lights up your x rays. Anyway. My doctor looked shocked and surprise cuz for one..


1) My spine was a fcking S shape
2) My heart was a size of a childs'. I always knew i had a small heart but when the doctor showed me another x-rayz the heart was twice my size. I knew it was SMALL but not THIS SMALL! And and, my heart wasnt even visible on the left side. Let me illustrate
The drawed part is how my heart sorta looks. She says my lungs looked like it was pushing my heart to the right. Thats not my x ray. Mine wasnt so colourful. Boring black white. And I'm not even sure if thats the heart. *ponders*


ANYWAY BACK TO THE SPINE THINGEY.

Now i keep saying stuff like, "No wonder I'm shorter than the rest of my family" , "No wonder I can never feel confortable sitting still" , "No wonder i get tired so easily", " No wonder Zac Efron is gay"


I may have to wear BACK BRACES. Oh my effing god of love. I may be be in college soon and I'm gonna look like one of those nerds you see on TV who everyone shoves into the bin and throws food at because they have a back brace, braces, orange hair. Then I'll start to love maths and vegetables. Then I will dislike sports and streneous activities.


Which I already dislike! Oh god. I'm turning into a freak.


I asked calvin if he would laugh at me if i had a back brace
"I would look like a weird freak in a brace! Would you laugh at me if i had a back brace?"
"Think about your future, you may have worse problems next time!"
"You're not answering my question"
"I'm an ass, of course i will laugh at you"


Friends.


My doctor was so shocked because of the size of my heart while i was WTF-ing looking at my spine shape. She said she will send my X-ray to some people or something to check if it will affect me next time when I was there just imagining myself (already) in a back brace. I have no time to listen to your nonsense! Priorities here! I may have to wear a brace!


Anyway, if you all think this is some April fool's joke you all can just go to hell okay. I waited until 12 so that i can post this so that people wont come telling me "HAHA. You nearly got me there!"
Its technically 2nd of April and i could have blogged this at 3pm when I came back but I didnt cuz i HATE APRIL FOOLS and hate the people who cant take shit seriously.


Not shit in literal. But shit as in.. I mean. I hate people who cant take things seriously.




On an April Fool's note. I LOL-ed at youtube's prank. They upside-downed some of the videos

Here's their tips on how to watch the videos. Click to enlarge or read the full thing here.

That was my day. How was yours?

Love, Vanity